Believe in Yourself

Believe in yourself.

A simple quote but powerful. This quote hits me because I’m a pessimistic person. I know it is a bad habit, but sometimes I feel pessimist because I’m tired. Moreover, I think I look at people’s achievements instead of mine. Sometimes, I forget my little achievement and think that I am stupid.

source: unsplash.com

For 23 years, I’ve been living in this world and thinking that I was stupid.

“Hey, look to yourself! You’re stupid and dumb! You do not have any strength,”

It has been happening for 23 years, and I always seek people’s achievements. Afterwards, I feel insecure and overthinking every day. Some stories I shared before in the medium are telling myself in the past. I’m blessed that I passed the phases. I did not believe in myself because I felt God did me. Now, to this day, I realize if God loves me. Although sometimes I’m disappointed because He is not bringing my dream into reality since high school.

Me: “I wanted to continue studying in Stetsa, even though I just studied as I wanted to learn,”
God: “No, you did not continue to Stetsa,”
Me: “Why?”
God: “You just needed to wait to know the answer,”

Now, I know the reason. God chose Smariheksa because He wanted me to learn about society and be friendly to everyone even though some people bullied me, but it’s okay. Nevertheless, sometimes I was unhappy in my senior high school because some people bullied me, and I found a good friend too. In Stetsa, you would meet people who bullied you in elementary school. It’s okay, I already forgive them, but I will never forget what they did to me.

Source: unsplash.com //one of my favourites, Ayat is QS 2:216: Fighting has been made obligatory upon you ˹believers˺, though you dislike it. Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.

Another some wishes that I prayed for was:

Me: “I wanted to continue studying at Brawijaya University in English Literature or Communication,”
God: “No, you did not,”
Me: “Why?”
God: “You would know the answer later,”

Unpopular opinion: At the time of SBMPTN in 2017, I decided to choose UM in English Literature because I realized if I chose all majors at Brawijaya University, the chance to accept into the university via SBMPTN was hard. Moreover, instead of choosing all majors at Brawijaya University, I chose UM, but God’s Hand was magic. He chose UIN Malang through my carelessness. I thought that I chose UM but when I checked at home, that day I realized that I chose UIN. Furthermore, there was no time to register SBMPTN again.

Nowadays, I know the reason because God wanted me to learn more about Islam, be moderate, and learn about society. Sometimes I’m blessed that I did not meet someone who bullied me in the past in the same major. Until today, she keeps underestimating me. I think she is still the same.

Some wishes I prayed for, which were never brought into reality, are good, although I sometimes feel disappointed. Nonetheless, I’m still believing in God and believing in myself if I can through these, and now I can through all and already graduated from my university.

From friends of mine in the University. He sent me the message about giving a spirit to me because I was a pessimist if I did not get a job. Now, I get a job, although it is a freelance job.

Sometimes I do not believe in myself if I can do it but I’m still attempting the opportunity that I got. Moreover, I’m still looking for a good opportunity. I know we have to find the opportunities, but it takes time and also a tortuous path. I know it is hard and sometimes I feel pessimists, but I believe in myself if I can through this.

Being successful takes time.
You just need to believe in yourself.
Upgrading yourself to be a better person.
You have to believe that you can realize your dream.
I know I can realize my dream now.

It’s okay if I feel tired.
It’s okay Sometimes I just need to take a break for a while.
I do not need to chase my dreams.

Malang 04:50 PM