One question that I’m still asking until this day,
Why does a human have a feeling? It bothered me. The feeling, I mean, is not about humanity but love and falling in love with someone. I hate this feeling because it will give us pain when someone rejects us, and it takes time to heal the pain.
Moreover, I have the biggest fear of falling in love with someone.
I’m afraid that he will reject me.
I’m afraid of heartbreak.
I’m afraid that falling in love with someone will bother me.
I’m afraid that falling in love will make any negative assumptions.
Falling in love with someone will reduce my focus on my goal.
Falling in love with someone will make me overthink the worst scenario.
In addition, falling in love will bother my life.
Admittedly, if we are closest to someone, it will have a bad impact on us. Moreover, being too put distance with someone is not good for our relationship. Nevertheless, from other perspectives, I always think, “Should I keep to maintain myself for keeping away from someone?” Thus, the answer is no, it is not a good idea to keep yourself in the ‘home’ It is impossible to stand yourself from a bad relationship mindset.
Humans will fall in love with each other, but we can decide whether to continue or not.
Additionally, humans have a mind to think of something that will give them some risks. I know humans have feelings, but we can control our feelings.
It is okay to have emotions and feelings. Nonetheless, how do you handle your emotions and feelings? I realize I’m always avoiding what I have been feeling in some conditions. I know I cannot face the problem and my feelings when I fall in love with someone. In my opinion, facing a falling-in-love phase is hard. I know my fear is only about my thinking which will not be realized, but I also cannot face and deal with the problem.
I’m always asking, “Why does God make a human fall in love with each other?” Then, he whips up with two options. First, He will accept your wishes and say, “I will make both of you close to each other,” or the second option is, “I will make both of you close to each other to give you a life lesson,”
There is one quote that I remember, of course:
“Some people exist in your life to make it better. Some people exist to make it worse.”
Moreover, God will unite you with people like that. Sometimes I hate this but realize I must enjoy the phase. At the time when I fell in love with someone six years ago, and I confessed my feeling to him 3,5 years ago, of course, I went through a broken heart phase because of rejection.
In addition, from the rejection, I discovered why God broke my heart. He says:
“It is okay, and there are a lot of men better than him.”
Indeed, after accepting his wish to keep our friendship, I found signs that he is not a good person, and I cannot tolerate some of his characteristics. Nevertheless, until this day, I have not thought about finding a soul mate. Some signs made me think, “I know why He broke my heart. He is not suited for with me.”
I don’t like people who use patriarchal to intimidate women (I will explain in the following writing). One of my friends told me, “If the man thinks that women are weak and use patriarchal discrimination against women based on religion, you should run because he would confine you from your dream.”
He showed some red flags, although he seems a good person. Therefore, until this day, I’m afraid to fall in love with someone. One example of the red flags is he said that women like to gossip, whereas men like to talk about games and football. I think he stereotyped women if they were weak and could not do domestic things such as cooking and washing their clothes.
I hate to fall in love with the wrong person. Nevertheless, I will find the right person. Finding the right person is hard.
In the end, on every rainy time, I always pray to God to prevent me from falling in love with the wrong person, although they give me some life lessons.
I hate love (not at all), explicitly falling in love with someone.
