On this day, I realized the one thing I thought several days ago was, “we cannot make everyone like us, and we don’t have any obligation to make them happy.” Because we are only human and you need to fathom that we are not perfect people and have some weaknesses in ourselves. It’s okay if someone does not like you, but when mostly they do not like you, it means you have a personal problem that you have to end up with.
I’m always curious about keeping the focus on ourselves. Some questions are already answered, and some I have not found the answer to, which makes me feel satisfied with my curiosity. I read ‘Filosofi Teras’ in 2022, which only answered my curiosity. After one year, I read a book entitled ‘The courage to be disliked’ by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. The author said that Fumitake Koga found a book written by Ichiro Kishimi about ‘Adler’s Psychology Theory,’
Here, I will write some reasons why we must have the courage to be disliked in some parts. First, I will write why we do not need to please everyone. Second, I will write about why we must focus on ourselves in another part.
The world is a simple place. People that make the world are complicated.
One question that I had been asking five years ago was:
Why is the world complicated?
Why is adulting hard and living in this world hard?
Nowadays, I find a good answer that makes me think, ‘It is true. The world is simple, but humans make this world complicated,” here are some reasons why humans make this world complicated.
First, reality shows that the world is simple, and our lives are also simple. Nonetheless, we make our life complicated. In this era, we live with a religion that dominates us because some people think religion and divinity are everything. Moreover, humans only need to obey and do not need to learn why God forbids these things, and we only think if we go against the rules, we will get the punishment. On the contrary, we will always feel anxious and stressed about the future without obeying the rules (preface).
Second, we are not living in objectivity, but we are living in a world where everyone has a different perspective on the world. Furthermore, we cannot run from our subjectivity. One example is that I had a different perspective on the world three years ago and nowadays. Three years ago, I thought that living in the world was not unfair and that if we wanted everyone to be nice to us, we had to please them as they wanted to, although they bullied us or attempted to be close to us even though they do not assume that they close and to be your close friend with you. Here and now, I think it’s okay we do not close to everyone and do not want to please everyone. Moreover, we merely need to focus on ourselves.
Everyone will change. You do not need to put your expectations to them because they will change.
Generally, everyone can change, and people will come and go. Thus, you do not need to please everyone and beg them to stay with you.
Everyone can change because they have some journey to find their happiness. You will always find the path to your happiness. Moreover, you also need to change yourself and never put expectations on every one.
In addition, everyone will change because they find their journey. It might be they were bullied, and you were also bullied. Nonetheless, people interpret what happened in the past and the impact on the future differently. Some people think that bullying has a bad impact on them (honestly, bullying has some negative impacts), but also how they interpret bullying. Do you forgive them, but you would not forget the bullying? Or do you still hate them and wish they would get karma? It is based on your purpose about bullying.
Furthermore, if we only focus on the past, your incident’s cause and effect would become “determinism.” It can happen because we think that the past will affect the future. Whereas reality, the past cannot be changed, but we can change the future, and you need to focus on the present. Thus, instead of focusing on the past and pleasing everyone to stay, we would be better to enjoy the present and let them go if the time is over (page 9).
We don’t have to think, “It is my fault if I do not do that thing, it will not be over, and we are still together.” It is okay if we have a problem, but remember, you cannot control them to always stay with you. Moreover, you cannot beg them to still be with you.
Again, we cannot please everyone.
If they don’t like you, it is okay.
We need to focus on ourselves.
You are not an angel that does not have a fault.
We don’t have an obligation to make them happy.Humans will change,
Focus on yourself.
Build a good relationship with everyone.
We solely control our minds and ourselves.
So, we do not need to please everyone to get about love and peace.
We deserve love and are worthy of living without begging someone.
