First, before you read this, you have to read this part because I will explain the benefit of categorizing the relationship with each other.
One year ago, I had no boundaries to start relationships with everyone. I accepted everyone to my Instagram account until I forgot to build boundaries. No, I do not restrict everyone from beginning a friendship I know from the Internet, but I do not feel comfortable when someone follows my social media account. We need some interaction on social media, but it does not mean you can know more about us on other social media.
From my point of view, we always need to keep our life private, although I’m only sharing unimportant things. Moreover, I do not want someone who follows my other social media to know more about my life except if they had interacted with me through WhatsApp. Furthermore, it also affected my real life. Hence, in real life, I categorize people that can be my close friends, friends, and colleagues. In addition, we still have a lot of friends but we the boundaries. The impact of building boundaries is when they are left from our life, and we do not feel disappointed and say, “It’s okay. The time is up.”
In addition, when you feel unsafe because you think you are oversharing your life too much, the reality is not. This is the reason why I am writing this. I want everyone to know that we can be friends, but you cannot break through the boundaries which someone has. One of the examples, we get to know each other from Twitter. Then, you ask for my other social media account, such as Instagram.
Should I answer your question? No, I should not answer your question and follow my Instagram account.
From here, we need to know that some people do not want someone to know their life. They want to scroll and share their opinions or write on social media. Thus, I categorize it as interpersonal interaction.
Moreover, I divided my social media into three categories:
1. Public account for a book review and share my opinion, but nowadays, I do not accept everyone from Quora because I need some interaction related to the book. It is the safest place to share the book and also my portfolio.
2. Personal account for my personal life. Sometimes I want to share my opinion and personal life. My account used to know about my friend and some personal interaction with my real-life friend because we already long a distance friendship and low Maintenance friendship.
3. Close friends’ account, known as sh*t account, for sharing about sh*t posting and selfies. Sometimes I share my opinion, which is too personal.
Furthermore, from 2021 I built my boundaries and divided my interpersonal interaction into three categories. It also applied in my real life. I write this writing based on the book ‘The Courage to be Disliked.’
When I learned about interpersonal relationships among people, I realized that ‘It’s okay. We do not need to be close to everyone.’ Before you say this book makes us avoid someone, remember that we cannot be close to everyone.
“But we need to gain more friends and colleagues.”
Although I rarely text my friends when we meet, we talk funny, such as every day we meet at the university. From this book, I accepted that the more you have a friend does not mean it has a good impact on you. There is no value that you get from the quantity of your friendship. You have to know about the distance and depth of relationships with everyone.
Furthermore, Adler divides into four categories:
- A role for colleagues
- A role for friendships
- A role for loving someone
- A role for living.
From there, it can be one of the ways to build your boundaries. We need to know a colleague for work and friendship to decide if people are our friends or only colleagues. Together with make boundaries and keep the gap deeper for our relationship among everyone.
Then, it would help if you decided whether those people could be your friends or not. Because some people can be solely your partner, and not all can be your friends. Based on my experience, I can call them friends when I interact personally through WhatsApp. Although you follow my Instagram, it does not mean you can say, “I Know her from Twitter, then I follow her Instagram,” and know about me based on your assumption.
The role helps me to build boundaries with everyone. I can filter someone from the Internet to enter my personal life. Furthermore, I’m already told that not everyone can enter my life, although you follow me on my public account. Hence, it also helps me when I’m disappointed with someone and I get a new life lesson. When I feel disappointed with someone, I have two decisions:
Remove them from your personal life and mute their social media or remove them from your social media and always be nice to everyone, although they do not know about your life. Moreover, sometimes I think, “It is okay; I do not remove or keep away from them. I just realized, ‘Oh okay, she is not my friend anymore, and I’m still sharing my daily life to show that I’m okay.
When you change, they will change. Thus, instead of waiting for someone or asking why they are away from you, you are better off changing.
Sometimes, building boundaries is rigid. You want to reject someone, but you’re feeling reluctant to them. I feel like this, but they always make me mad when I do not want to clash with someone me mad. Moreover, when I feel “Why does she has different treats from everyone?” also I think, “Was I making a mistake for her?” From this, I realized that I have to build boundaries.
I feel like what the picture describes because I thought that they were my close friend. Nevertheless, someone treated me as if my presence was unimportant to them. Thus, instead of keeping them to my life, I made a boundary for myself. Since I had read the book entitled ‘The Courage to Be Disliked,’ I filtered the one thing I could share with the public or only with my close friends and divided interpersonal relationships.
After building a boundary, I feel better and avoid someone who does not realize my presence. My life today is peaceful, and I do not need to beg someone to stay with me. I realize that my life depends on me. Moreover, I enjoy my friendship based on quality instead of quantity. Likewise, I just keep someone who appreciates my presence.
It makes my life more peaceful and precious.
